A Star Is Boring

With all due apologies to Marty Turco, we now blame someone else for the Stars’ 3-1 hole. This is why hockey sucks: Take away the names and numbers from the sweaters — sweaters, yeah, that’s another reason — and Mike Modano looks like a non-impact scrub against the Vancouver Canucks…

Golden Opportunity

For the Mavs, tonight it’s — yawn — game No. 81. For the Golden State Warriors, it’s the most important event in 13 years. In other words: Psst, hey, buddy, wanna buy a watch? No? OK then, how about I sell you a tip. After watching the Stars sleepwalk against…

From the Penthouse to the ‘Port

How much do you think a Quincy Carter rookie card’s worth, anyway? “Thanks for calling Mud Bugs hockey. How may I direct your call?” Uh-oh. It’s nearly always ominous when your first attempt to find a former Dallas Cowboys quarterback leads you to a minor-league hockey team based in Shreveport…

So Not Better Late Than Never

Marty Turco, a nation turns its sleepy eyes to you and says, “Dude, not again.” So tired. So very, very tired. And so are you if, like me, you stayed up until 2:32 a.m. to watch the Dallas Stars lose an epic, quadruple-overtime playoff hockey game to the Vancouver Canucks…

Amazing Disgrace

SHREVEPORT, Louisiana—Signs your grand plans have gone slightly askew: You toke your way out of a job as quarterback of America’s Team, shepherded from Dallas Cowboys training camp by the notorious Bishop Terry Hornbuckle. You file a “wrongful termination” grievance against the Cowboys which, when you lose, makes nary a…

The Road to the, um, Super Bowl?

Remember when you could count on lazy Sunday afternoons watching the Dallas Cowboys from Labor Day until, oh, New Year’s? Gone. With the release of the NFL schedule today, the Cowboys will play a franchise-record seven games on national TV, but only nine of their 16 games take place on…

Suite Dreams Are Made Of These

Donald Faison is in town this weekend to get coached by some Mavs for a charity event. He’s also the only reason we watch Scrubs anymore. Stacy Keibler won’t be here after all, so, no, I won’t exploit this as a cheap end-around allowing me to post some senseless, skin-friendly…

Playmaker Assaults Two More; Pleads Innocent, Dummy

You gotta love Michael Irvin. No really, you just gotta. Sure, he might have he made the Pro Football Hall of Fame as one of the all-time great offensive players, but there’s nothing better than the former Dallas Cowboys receiver when he’s playing defense. This morning, KTCK-AM (1310, The Ticket)…

Anaheimlich Maneuver

IGN.com We kinda like the idea of the videogame version of Marty Turco between the pipes rather than the real deal come playoff time. The Dallas Stars are in post-season form. Which, of course, is horrible news. As has become a dreaded spring tradition, they’re again teasing, tantalizing but, ultimately,…

Oh and 162?

You know who we blame for the Rangers’ 0-3 start. No, not this guy. Why would we do that? C’mon. Three games. Three losses. One reminder: Your Dallas Mavericks started 0-4. But after watching the Texas Rangers get absolutely bludgeoned in Anaheim, my dollar — on second thought, my million…

Mood Swings

Doctors took Rudy Jaramillo’s cancer. They couldn’t touch his charisma. On a glorious spring training afternoon in Mesa, Arizona, baseball’s best hitting coach walks into Hohokam Stadium and is immediately mobbed. Chicago Cubs and former Texas Rangers slugger Alfonso Soriano, who last year hit 46 homers and 41 doubles, dances…

Eight Runs, Reruns — All the Same to the Rangers

I still can’t believe this is how Ed Bark spends his time: watching local TV ratings so, thank God, the rest of us don’t have to. And I do love this tidbit from this morning’s ratings recap: The Mavs’ hardfought, Dirk-less road win over the Sacramento Kings averaged 171,360 homes…

Reunited, And It Feels So Good

Babe Laufenberg’s back in the Cowboys’ booth, so what does that mean for his TV gig? How ’bout some Cowboys-related issues to chew on while waiting around today for this total waste of time and another Rangers loss in Anaheim? As predicted, Babe Laufenberg will return to the Cowboys’ radio…

You Better, You Bust

Michael Farber at SI.com just posted a great piece about Dallas Stars goalie Marty Turco, the amazing regular-season netminder who always seems to choke in the post-season. Love the opening-paragraph anecdote: The food was exquisite, the evening historic. On the March night that Mike Modano became the second U.S.-born player…

How Many Times Does a Guy Have to Say “No,” Anyway?

At this moment, 836 people want Mark Cuban to own the Chicago Cubs; it’s science, you can look it up. Now you can add to that list Alan Schwarz of The New York Times, who this morning goes where Radar Online’s has gone before: to the Cuban’s buying the Chicago…

Check That, Mavs Win!

The last time the Mavs won a division, the team looked a whole lot different. I know, the Mavericks played like April fools in Phoenix Sunday afternoon. But the day wasn’t a total loss. In fact, it was a major win. How’s that? After Dallas’ ugly loss, the San Antonio…

Fore! Play!

No, check that, the new PGA Superstore in Plano isn’t just a teasing appetizer, it’s downright orgasmic. If, that is, you get aroused milling around an old Home Depot warehouse filled with sports memorabilia, a gazillion Izods, two bajillion clubs, a tennis court, a putting green, a chipping area complete…

Jerry Jones Builds Giant Shell for TV Set

Baseball commissioner Bud Selig has come under fire — from, of all places, Congress, which clearly has nothing else to worry about — for Major League Baseball’s $700-mil deal with DirecTV, which airs the league’s “Extra Innings” package that lets viewers get about 60 outta-town games every week for $160,…

Well, That’s Why They Call it “F?tbol.”

Not even the appearance of former Jesuit star Kenny Cooper was enough to make yesterday’s soccer game in Frisco worth attending…or watching. Sounds like yesterday’s soccer game between the U.S. and Guatemalan national teams was a snoozer at Frisco’s Pizza Hut Park. The crowd got up when local star Kenny…

Welcome Wagon

Tony Blei Sammy Sosa was more than so-so this spring. Which doesn’t mean anything, we know. Less’n he can pitch. The Texas Rangers invite you to show up tonight as the team returns from spring training. Especially if you can pitch. I praise the Rangers’ pitching staff one day, and…