The Cheap Bastard’s Guide to the State Fair

The air is thick with the sweet smell of fried Pepcid. The Texas Star Ferris wheel beckons your sweaty butt to its benches. As you read this, a kid is puking up a Fletcher’s corny dog on the Midway, just as a yellow-naped parrot bird-diarrheas onto audience heads at the…

Prison Sentences for Illegal Immigration a Bad Idea?

Dear Mexican: With the current state and federal prison system spitting out even harder criminals due to overcrowding and gang activity allowed to a certain degree by the “system,” and considering the small percentage of inmates who actually make it out and live positive lives … why are some legislators,…

DISD’s “Case” Against Mike Miles Is Bogus

OK, enough about you, let’s talk about me for a change. I had the very weird experience last week of covering a Dallas school board meeting where a lot of the story I was covering seemed to be about … well, you know … me. Yours truly. It was sooo…

Johny Cane on His White Cane Studios and The Best of Current Dallas Music

About four years ago, some flyers started circulating around the Dallas-area rehearsal facilities for White Cane Studios. They’d shoot a music video for you, complete start-to-finish job, for (I believe) $250. Fast forward to present, and Johny Cane and his partners have shot videos for Here Holy Spain, The Virgin…

Dear Jesus: Could You Help a Mother Out?

Welcome to Alice Column, in which Alice Laussade writes stories about things on (roughly) the same day of (roughly) every week, making it (roughly) a column. Got an idea for a column? Start your own blog and write it up, you lazy shit. Dear Sleeping-Through-the-Night Jesus: You were a baby…

My Cell Phone Hates Me. It’s Mutual.

So today the daily newspaper tells me my cell phone is the portal through which Texas is being subjected to a massive text-message spam and phone-call phishing attack. You think? Because that would explain the endless text messages I have received in recent weeks informing me that my pay-day loan…

Your Guide to Fall in Dallas

Those 9 p.m. sunsets are creeping closer and closer to a reasonable hour. The heat stays but something about the sticky September afternoons reminds us of summer’s conclusion. Whatever magic it brings is dwindling. The school zones have lit up, those of us with summer vacations have bid them adieu…

Why You Shouldn’t Drop Out of College to Pursue Your Band

Are you a musician? Is your group having issues? Ask Fan Landers! Critic Jessica Hopper has played in and managed bands, toured internationally, booked shows, produced records, worked as a publicist and is the author of The Girls’ Guide to Rocking, a how-to for teen ladies. She is here to…

The Five Best UK Bands You’ve Never Heard Of

There’s a reason you associate our accent with fashionable music of the last fifty years. We’ve produced some great bands. The thing is, there’s a whole undercurrent you’re missing out on over there. You know you have favorite obscure American bands, who you’d go and see whenever they come through…

The Five Most Underrated Guitarists

We all know that the flashy types like Eddie Van Halen, Joe Satriani and Yngwie Malmsteen get (or got) kudos simply for playing super fast. But being a great guitarist is more than just burning up a fret board. Here are the five folks who best know that nuance is…

Introducting Indie Band Oregon Trail, The Hardest Videogame Ever

MECC’s elementary school computer lab classic The Oregon Trail probably taught its users relatively little about American History. The lasting impression the game did leave was the idea that choices have consequences and that, sometimes, bad things just happen, regardless of how well you plan for them. When you lost…

Why Does Mexico’s National Soccer Team Suck So Much?

Dear Mexican: Can I “Ask a Mexican” why El Tri sucks so much? And why a little stadium in Columbus, Ohio, was louder and more passionate than Estadio Azteca in Mexico City, which seats more than 100,000? Can I also ask why a country that lives and breathes soccer/fútbol always…

Brett Shipp Stretches to Connect Dots Between Mike Miles and Lisa LeMaster

Channel 8 WFAA TV investigative reporter Brett Shipp had a big piece on last night’s 10 p.m. News Update newscast about Dallas school Superintendent Mike Miles facing “new allegations of policy violations.” I disagree with the piece, especially as it painted media relations consultant Lisa LeMaster, but that doesn’t make…

Moody Fuqua on Booking Ethics and Saturday’s Benefit for Carlin Stulz

This week, LM’M turns to “most interesting name” award recipient, Moody Fuqua. Fuqua has logged plenty of time as a local musician, and talent buyer, most recently for the stage at Crown and Harp, who are getting ready to host a benefit Saturday night for one of Fuqua’s inspirations in…

The V Best Songs In GTA Radio History

As I sit here in work my mind drifts from matters such as job responsibilities to more jovial pursuits such as murder, car theft, and the endless slaughter of pedestrians. Yesterday saw the release day of the biggest game of the year. Aping the inanities and cliches of radio DJs…