What Part of Illegal Don’t Mexicans Understand?

Dear Readers: The Mexican doesn’t want to take this week off, but has to because it’s his mother periódico’s Best Of issue and the Mexican is tasked with eating a thousand tacos in the search for the best one in Orange County. I’ll return next week, more panzón than ever…

Life’s Cheap. Levees Aren’t.

God may still be in his or her heaven. I’m not up on that. But I think he’s about to vacate the regional headquarters of the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers. Since the 19th century we Americans have believed that engineers are just a little bit better at building stuff…

When Should You Use Usted Instead Of Tu?

Dear Mexican: I learned Spanish in school as a teen. Then, it seems, because I was young, everybody was an usted. I would like to practice speaking it, but am now an adult and don’t know who gets to be a tú. I’m scared of getting it wrong and unwittingly…

Dumped On

Well, students, the last Dallas City Council meeting was a bad one for you, but like a lot of bad days, this day was important. I’m speaking to those of you who came down to City Hall from Paul Quinn College to lobby the city council. You wanted to stop…

Restaurant Websites That Make You NOT Want To Eat

You’ve seen this guy, right? Peanut butter jelly time is the number one indicator of poor website design. Sparkling mouse trailers, glimmering lights, dancing bananas — these are the hallmarks of your 13-year-old daughter’s MySpace page. Poorly chosen music played in a loop, excessive flash and clunky navigation also indicate…

The 10 Best Music Videos Featuring Puppets

Jim Henson modernized the age-old art of puppetry by using foam rubber to coat the puppets’ limbs. Previously, most TV puppets were made of carved wood. But Henson believed that foam rubber and cloth brought more life to the puppets’ movements. Turns out he was right: Henson’s puppet characters took over…

Onion Rings: Bigger Is Definitely Not Better

I’m over super-sized onion rings. They first made their appearance at steakhouses and burger joints but have become increasingly popular at bars everywhere. Often stacked like a tower to the heavens, they arrive precariously ready to topple and litter your table in shards of fried breading. Katy Trail Ice House…

Why do Mexican business owners use Shrek in advertisements?

Dear Mexican: I hear that at the last Los Angeles County Board of Supervisors hearing about redistricting, some lady accused Supervisor Gloria Molina of Reconquista. What is that — and what on earth is going on over there? I don’t get what all the fuss is about. The U.S. Census…

Lowering the Bars

Property owners on Lower Greenville got snookered. They agreed last year to new regulations governing late-night hours for bars. They didn’t agree to get put out of business. They were snookered by the neighborhoods. I should love that, because I love neighborhoods. But, you know, snookered is snookered. In the…