Back is Stack

“Here, Mrs. Bush, would you like to hold my ball?” The Dallas Mavericks may not be better next season. But it won’t be because they’re not tougher. Dallas checked off No. 1 on their off-season to-do list, agreeing to a three-year deal with free agent Jerry Stackhouse. The deal won’t…

White Elephants

Faster. Quicker. Meaner. Stronger. Whiter? Exposed, humiliated and dismissed by the athletically superior Golden State Warriors two months ago, the Dallas Mavericks entered last week’s NBA Draft with attitudes to tweak, limitations to minimize and physicality to enhance. So to complement Dirk Nowitzki, they choose a shorter, skinnier, softer Caucasian?…

How to Get Into the Baseball Hall of Fame

Yesterday: Body Worlds. Tomorrow: Batter up. On the heels of the highly successful exhibition delving into the human body, the Dallas Museum of Nature & Science’s next endeavor will be a historic examination of baseball. In conjunction with the State Fair of Texas, starting Sept. 28 and running through Jan…

Cuban v. Nellie, Round Two

Former Mavs coach Don Nelson says Mark Cuban owes him millions in back pay — $6.6 million, to be precise, in a legal battle that just got a little uglier. Reports the San Francisco Chronicle today, Cuban’s firing back at his former head coach by claiming in a countersuit that…

Rangers Redux

Two words you rarely associate with a billionaire who owns three professional sports teams and a $35 million home: Plastic. Cutlery. Tom Hicks may be unfathomably rich, but today the poor guy’s got a lot on his paper plate. Sure, his 29,000-square-foot spread is the most expansive and expensive in…

Welcome To Hicksville

You know Tom Hicks owns the Texas Rangers, the Dallas Stars, the biggest house in town and yet only a smidgen of sports savvy. What you didn’t know is that he initially intended to short sell the Stars for profit, was one of Mark Cuban’s original Internet investors and thinks…

Lil’ Nellie All Growed Up

You might not know this, but Donn Nelson was a pretty good college ball player too. Last week, Tom Hicks re-signed wonderboy Jon Daniels to run the Ranger’s sinking (though surprisingly more buoyant of late) ship through 2009, even though the team has one of the worst records in baseball…

Time For an Erection

For a Cowboys franchise that’s always played under a hole in its roof, Wednesday marks the beginning of the end. At 10:30 a.m. tomorrow, the team’s new Arlington stadium will commence installation of the first piece of the monumental arch truss structure. In numbers that I can’t come close to…

Dallas Court Records Reveal That Marion Jones is Broke

Pardon me if I’ve somehow missed this, but after scouring the Interwebs and Lexis-Nexis I’ve found no local mention of this national story with legally binding local ties. On Saturday, The Los Angeles Times reported that sprinter Marion Jones — the darling of the 2000 Olympics in Sydney, a breaker…

Blasts From The Past … Er, Present … Um, Future?

Hmmm, whatever happened to ol’ whatzizname? Um, ya know, Ben Grieve? Seems the former Arlington Martin High School stud and 1998 American League Rookie of the Year is still swatting homers, but settling for winning the home run derby at charity events like this one on Saturday in Frisco. Hmmm,…

Your Weekly Creepy Dirk Video

Did you know Dirk Nowitzki turned 29 last week — June 19, actually? And, thanks to The Ticket’s Bob Sturm (and everyone else), who discovered a very “lovely dirk” homage on the YouTubes, this is how we’ve been celebrating ever since. –Robert Wilonsky…

Brain Freeze

Today, hell officially freezes over. Is there a more scintillating event in sports than the National Hockey League Draft? OK, maybe hot-dog eating. Or Scrabble. Or lint-licking. Officially called The 2007 NHL Entry Draft, the waste of time tick, tick, ticks today and tomorrow from Nationwide Arena in Columbus, Ohio…

Last Places or Famous Faces?

You could head out to Arlington this weekend to watch the dreadful Rangers take on the equally horrible Houston Astros in a laughable battle for something called the Silver Boot. Ya know, cheer our “hero” Sammy Sosa, who smacked all except 587 of his 600 homers in uniforms other than…

Tom Hicks is Always Willing to Bring Up Bad Memories Too

Juan Gonzalez was on steroids when he was in Texas in 2002? No! Say it ain’t so, Joe! Ahem. Eleven days ago, Texas Rangers owner Tom Hicks went on KTVT-Channel 11 and said Juan Gonzalez used steroids during his tenure with the team. Actually this is precisely what he said:…

Texas Rangers Hall of Fame — Oxymoron Much?

In our in-box this a.m.: TO: ALL MEDIA OUTLETS FROM: TEXAS RANGERS COMMUNICATIONS SUBJECT: HALL OF FAME ANNOUNCEMENT — TODAY The Texas Rangers Baseball Club will announce their 2007 Hall of Fame Class TODAY, June 21, at noon in the media interview room. All local media are invited to attend…

Almost Famous

One of Dallas’ quarterbacks holds purses, the other holds records. One was temporarily linked to Jessica Simpson, the other eternally linked to the Milwaukee Mustangs. One makes $1,500,000, the other $100,000. Though they both toiled at small colleges before ascending to prominent positions on our local football teams, Tony Romo…

Dirk Sparks One Up

With all proper credit to Uwe Blog and 100% Injury Rate, we now present the greatest Dirk Nowitzki video ever. We only wish we knew what it meant. Then again, we’re not high. But it’s still early yet. –Robert Wilonsky…

Tom Hicks and Jon Daniels Can’t Wait to Meet You!

Your Texas Rangers have the worst record in the majors: 26 wins and 43 losses. So of course owner Tom Hicks would give general manager Jon Daniels a contract extension through the 2009 season; only makes sense, when you think about it. And if you’re in the mood to ask…

Jerry to Tony: Dude, Chill

http://www.myspace.com/bigdickhunter Metal Skool poses Friday night with fans Tony Romo, Big Dick Hunter and Hal Sparks. The Cowboys haytuhs’ version: Tony Romo is staining his and his team’s image by associating with a vulgar rock band that makes on-stage jokes about incest, pedophilia, devil worship and the quarterback of America’s…

Sosa What

Quite the Father’s Day. Tiger Woods, all mondo buffed (how long till the steroid whispers arise?), gets bested by Angel (ahn-HELL) Cabrera, a pudgy, chain-smoking Argentine known as “The Duck.” The Texas Rangers actually win a series, when supposed ace Kevin Millwood wins his first start in two months. And…

Who’s Your Daddy?

The perfect Father’s Day gift for the lazy, rich man in your life LeBron James got fatherhood, siring the royally named Bryce Maximus James between Games 3 and 4 of the NBA Finals. But he also got the shaft, having to play alongside hapless Cavaliers teammates that never ever threatened…