What Up, Dawg?

The sight of Nate Newton, all 340 pounds of him, trying to hide behind a tree would have been funny. If he hadn’t been trying to avoid being spotted and arrested by police. At an illegal dog fight. As Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick prepares for the first of what…

Wading Into Humor

Two days into Dallas Cowboys training camp down the street from the Alamo, and it’s clear that new coach Wade Phillips is folksy and boring and folksy and country and folksy and really, really close to being human NyQuil. Oh, yeah, and, if you pay attention long enough, he’s kind…

SMU Football: It’s Ad-tastic!

Here’s SMU’s new marketing gimmick for the upcoming college football season. Get it? A pony? And an “up” arrow? Pony. Up. Awesome. And who’s behind the whiz-bang promotion? Says SMU’s athletic department on its Mustangs Musings blog: Why a Pony and a drawn arrow? No SMU lettering? The marketing department…

Tony Romo: Money? What Money?

Based on the first day of Dallas Cowboys training camp, Tony Romo is ready. Ready to put last year’s disappointing end behind him: “I’m not a holder anymore, thankfully.” Ready to become the undisputed leader of America’s Team: “I really think we can do something special this season. I need…

How Come No One Here Is Talking About Tom Hicks’ New Stadium?

Tom Hicks’ new stadium looks awfully nice. Kinda Jerry Jones-y. Too bad it’s in England. Hey, lookie there: Tom Hicks is about to build a $615-million stadium that holds up to 76,000 folks — and, smart move, he’s using McKinney Ave.-based HKS, Inc., the same architecture engineering firm responsible for,…

C’mon, No “Told Ya So”?

NBA ref and alleged game-fixer Tim Donaghy, who, we’re pretty sure, is somehow related to Jack Donaghy. We just don’t know how yet. John Walters of NBC Sports reminds us this morning that in 2001, Mark Cuban said of NBA referee Ed Rush, who’s also the league’s Director of Officiating:…

The Iron Women are Coming!

If you’re moping about working late on a Friday or having to squeeze into that bikini you’ve outgrown or finding your boyfriend in a closet with your best friend, this will either give you refreshing perspective or make you feel like an utter loser not worthy of taking up space…

MLB Balking at Rangers’ Asking Prices

The Rangers want a fortune for Eric Gagne. We’d trade him for a six pack. As Richie’s out this week on vacation, we’ll instead turn to another former Startlegrammer for today’s high-and-inside pitch concerning the Texas Rangers’ moves, or not, as the July 31 trade deadline nears. MLB.com’s T.R. Sullivan…

Lunchtime Dot Race, Anyone?

Unfair Park HQ is just a few stop lights away from the new Texas Rangers store on McKinney Ave., so maybe you’ll see us there this afternoon for an, ahem, historic occasion: “the first ever LIVE dot race outside Rangers Ballpark,” promises the press release the very persistent Rangers Communication…

The Fab Fifty

When Jerry Jones acts, we all react. He flies to Lubbock, and next thing you know the Texas Tech-Oklahoma State game isn’t relocating to Dallas after all. He builds a $1 billion shrine to himself under the guise of football, and next thing you know Arlington is hosting the 2011…

Root, Root, Root for the Home Team

Interesting story last week in The Dallas Morning News on the struggles F.C. Dallas has had in attracting Mexican fans. In the story, G.M. Michael Hitchcock said he wasn’t interested in taking advantage of the new designated player rule (which allowed the L.A. Galaxy to sign David Beckham) to sign…

Chicago Loves Mark Cuban

So, I’m up here in Chicago — yeah, yeah, doing this again, despite the cries of protest. And, funny thing, whenever anyone finds out I’m from Dallas, the very first thing they say is something along the lines of, “Man, we’d love it if Mark Cuban got the Cubs.” It’s…

Cuban’s Cubbies?

In news that prompts an initial reaction of “Why, oh, why couldn’t it be Tom Hicks?”, Mark Cuban’s interest in buying the Chicago Cubs has escalated from superficial to serious. Cuban has filed the official paperwork with Major League Baseball, joining a prestigious pile of prospective buyers for the fabled…

New Sign, Same Stadium

Texas Rangers director of communications Gregg Elkin, an all-around fine American, today e-mailed Unfair Park a pic of the new sign installed this week over the Home Plate entrance at the Rangers Ballpark in Arlington. Says Rangers president Jeff Cogen, “This signage replacement at the home plate entrance represents the…

Happy Happy Joy Joy

Meet Super Bowl-winning coach Tony Dungy Saturday. Bask in his Quiet Strength. Sickened by yet another Texas Ranger complaining, when he just should shut up and start homering? Bummed that OU’s 2005 football team, in hindsight, actually went 0-4? Depressed that, despite repeated first-round playoff flame-outs, the Dallas Stars are…

Forever Young

Rub it in, dude, rub it in. In today’s Chicago Tribune, columnist Phil Rogers — a former Dallas Times Herald man, I might add — offers up his mid-season baseball honors, and as far as he and the stats are concerned, there’s no better pitcher in the National League than…

Double Your Pleasure with Richie and Tony Casillas

Exerting minimal effort, you can come up with two reasons to patron Twin Peaks. No, not that one. Or those guys. I’m talking about this place. After a laughably hollow petition drive designed to cock-block the joint generated a whopping five signatures, the Plano sports bar/tease-atorium opened two months ago…

Jerryworld: SI‘s Favorite Place to Visit

This week’s Sports Illustrated has a story about “The King of Texas” — who is, like you didn’t already know, Dallas Cowboys “wildcat” owner Jerry Jones. Actually, it’s about his billion-dollar bid for football immortality in Arlington, because writer Richard Hoffer sure does seem to be in love with a…

Webber to Grill in Dallas?

He’s no Kevin Garnett, but Chris Webber would be a fascinating off-season move for the Mavs, to say the very least. ESPN.com’s Marc Stein sends word today that Chris Webber may not be on the verge of retiring after all. Webber, who’s already playedworn out his welcome with the Golden…

Pony Up the Dope

Last week in the paper version of Unfair Park, we wrote about Steve Asmussen, who is either the greatest horse trainer in America or one of the sport’s biggest cheaters. Personally, I found Lone Star Park’s prodigal son to be a pretty likable dude; others say he’s a jerk. What…

FC Dallas, Where It Must be the Money

FC Dallas opens play in the Lamar Hunt U.S. Open Cup tonight at 7 at Pizza Hut Park way the hell up in Frisco. The news is that the Hoops will play their starters rather than their reserves, as is the tradition for most MLS clubs that compete in the…

Deja Blue

Best record in the league. Home cookin’. Mediocre opponent, orchestrated by a familiar face. Shocking upset. Stop me if you’ve heard this one. Except Saturday night it wasn’t your Dallas Mavericks choking away a red-carpet post-season, but instead the Dallas Desperados. Led by the greatest quarterback in the history of…