DJs Are the New Dallas Rock Stars

The walk up to It’ll Do is always a part of the experience. Events like Red Bull Thre3Style Dallas Qualifier fill up quickly; Friday found the club at capacity by 9:45 p.m. Which means the nearby parking is gone, at 11:00 the valets won’t consider a bribe and you are…

Where Is Jonny Chingas Now?

Dear Mexican: In 1983 or 1984, I was walking home from work down Haight Street in San Francisco and stopped into Watusi Records to look through the dollar cutout bin. I flipped through it for a bit and then stopped dead when I saw the Jonny Chingas Pachuco LP. I…

I’m in a Local Band: How Do We Go National?

Are you a musician? Is your group having issues? Ask Fan Landers! Critic Jessica Hopper has played in and managed bands, toured internationally, booked shows, produced records, worked as a publicist, and is the author of The Girls’ Guide to Rocking, a how-to for teen ladies. She is here to…

Of Lance, Scientologists and Other Liars, Or Why the Truth Hurts

The weekend draws mercifully close, and I feel a need to revisit a couple themes touched on here earlier in the week. We started with Lance Armstrong on Monday. I predicted he would fake-confess and then offer a jail-house rationalization to the effect of, “I didn’t do nuthin’.” I admit…

Quaker Steak and Lube Wants to Hurt Me With Their Hot Sauce

The first time I got some hot sauce from Quaker Steak and Lube, I promptly gave it away. I wasn’t very interested in a chain that specialized in cheese steaks and hot wings. Besides, we’d already done a post announcing the arrival of the service-themed, fast food restaurant. That was…

Score One for Mike Miles

Oh, I do not like nights like this. I just sat through the Dallas school board meeting where they finally got to the bottom of the bad audit on Mike Miles, the new superintendent. Some weeks ago Miles said the audit was a witch hunt. I wrote a column saying…

The Cheesecake Factory Is Officially Trying to Kill You

By now you’ve surely seen the Tumblr feed This Is Why You’re Fat. The blog showcases gastronomic food porn with a propensity for dishes that tend to be high in fat and calories. Deep-fried macaroni and cheese sandwich anyone? See also: -Embracing Gluttony: The Hot Mess at Pecan Lodge -Embracing…

Don’t Let Anxiety Keep You Out of the Music Scene

Are you a musician? Is your group having issues? Ask Fan Landers! Critic Jessica Hopper has played in and managed bands, toured internationally, booked shows, produced records, worked as a publicist, and is the author of The Girls’ Guide to Rocking, a how-to for teen ladies. She is here to…

Lance Armstrong Will Reveal His But to Oprah

Let me tell you in advance what Lance Armstrong is going to say to Oprah today. And how do I know? Well, obviously, I do not. But it’s just as obvious to me that I do. Everybody knows by now that world cycling mega-star Lance Armstrong of Austin is going…

Tasting the Worst Fajitas Ever at Matt’s Rancho Martinez

When I eat Tex-Mex, I generally subsist on two standard orders depending on my mood. Sometimes I want enchiladas, and sometimes I want fajitas. The rest falls into special occasion Tex-Mex, such as when I’m hunting for perfect puffy taco, or searching for good queso, or am otherwise distracted by…

Ten Most Anticipated Metal Albums of 2013

2012 did not end with the bang promised by the Mayans. Fortunately, 2013 is gearing up to be the year of Heavy Metal. Some of the industry’s oldest and newest legends are conjuring some tunes to help nurse the no-apocalypse blues. Here are the ten metal albums likely to get…