Michael Phelps = Jeff Spicoli

Toldja Michael Phelps wasn’t perfect. Well, didn’t I? Actually, I warned that he was overrated. But still. In other news, Richie Whitt = Jeff Spicoli as well. …

Lucille Hester: Half the Truth is a Total Lie

As Bob Hayes’ entangled family tree goes under the microscope and as the newspaper that for years has thrust Lucille Hester out front finally joins the investigation into the validity of her branch, one thing – and one thing only – has become clear: The world’s fastest human is quickly turning over…

BREAKING NEWS: Bob Hayes and the Hall of Fraud

Or, as the old Florida A&M college buddy and former business manager of newly minted Pro Football Hall of Fame member Bob Hayes says of Lucille Hester: “She’s a fake. A total perpetrator. She’s hoodwinked the Dallas Cowboys, the NFL, the Hall of Fame and the national media. But she isn’t…

BREAKING NEWS: Pacman Jones Still Thinks He’s a Dallas Cowboy

You know those pigs that were raised by dogs so when they grew up they thought they were, well, dogs? Pacman Jones is a pig. I’ve been promised visual photographic evidence by my Sportatorium spies at some point, but for now we’ll go with eyewitness acounts from those who attended Dallas Cowboys’ safety Ken Hamlin’s…

Devin Harris: NBA All-Star

Sorry I’m a little late this morning. Been glued to one of the greatest, longest tennis matches ever. The Fernando Verdasco-Rafael Nadal Australian Open semifinal that started at 2:30 a.m. our time just ended. In other news … Devin Harris is an NBA All-Star. Jason Kidd isn’t. Ouch. For Dallas Mavericks’…

While We’re Cleaning House: Greg Ellis, Pack Your Bags

Among the Dallas Cowboys’ many problems, let’s address this one this afternoon: Terrell Owens and Greg Ellis are captains. Let that sink in a second while I remind you that any team that annoints me-first guys as locker-room leaders is fatally flawed. We all know T.O.’s agenda. Now, Ellis is…

At What Point Do We Question How the Texas Rangers Handle Their Pitchers?

Stop me if you’ve heard this one before: Your Texas Rangers have pitching problems. If you’re scoring at home, that’s two similar season-ending surgeries in one week. After top prospect and rotation candidate Eric Hurley underwent rotator cuff surgery last week, semi-reliable set-up man Joaquin Benoit had the same procedure…

Tom Landry Would Not Be Amused

A few Dallas Cowboys quick hits, apropos on a morning blanketed with a freezing fog. We begin, where else, with MartyB — which is to say, tight (not bright) end Martellus Bennett, who follows his now-vanished rap video (“Romo, homo, etc.”) with the apology below. FOXSports.com is reporting that the…

Texas Rangers’ Up and Comers

“They treated us like we suck,and we’re the ones who’ve supported them through all these losing seasons.” They come bundled in coats, wrapped in hope and stuffed with gullibility. An annual rite of another cold, bleak winter, 5,000 stubborn baseball fans arrive at Rangers Ballpark in Arlington last Saturday for…

It’s the Year of the Ox! Is that Good for the Mavs?

Don’t know how I missed it – maybe it’s because I’m from Duncanville – but Monday was the Chinese New Year. And 2009, as if you didn’t know, is the Year of the Ox. In the name of Wang Zhi-Zhi, what could that possibly mean for our Dallas Mavericks? *So…

I Got Yer Feel-Good Super Bowl Story Right Here

One of our football coaches is headed to Super Bowl XLIII in Tampa. Surprise, he has nothing to do with your Dallas Cowboys. I blogged, oh-so briefly, about Grapevine Faith’s Nov. 7 high-school game against the Gainesville State Tornadoes. Ring a bell? Rick Reilly’s terriffic ESPN The Magazine column is here. For…

Your 2009 Dallas Cowboys: More Glitz; Less Guts

Since there’s nothing to do today other than stay inside and pray for these glaciers of ice to somehow melt by Spring Break, let’s take a look at the Cowboys shall we? Remember what owner Jerry Jones said immediately after his team’s 44-6 season-ending loss in Philadelphia? I do. “Where…

Once An Aggie …

Over the weekend, Martellus Bennett posted this video in which he’s sporting a Dallas Cowboys helmet while throwing down some decidedly NSFW rhymes that are, let’s face it, not terribly tight for a tight end. Only way it coulda been worse? If he’d been sporting Mom jeans, which are worth…

Well, If It’s Good Enough for Michael Irvin …

… it’s good enough for Terrell Owens. Only days after the former Cowboys receiver announced his reality show, brought to you by the folks responsible for The Biggest Loser, the current (?) Cowboys receiver and VH1 offer news concerning Owens’s program, which doesn’t have a debut date as of yet:The…

You Could Use Some … Baseball?

Approximately 5,000 fans braved freezing temperatures and decades of losing at Saturday’s Rangers Fan Fest in Arlington. I was one of them. The highlights: *General manager Jon Daniels says he’s recently talked to shortstop third baseman Michael Young and that their relationship is on the mend. “If we have a 15-year marriage…