Too, Too Cute

Some may find reason to embrace the romantic comedy Woman on Top as the nonsensical but sweet-tempered fantasy of two South American filmmakers who don’t understand life in this country very well but grasp all the magical powers of Brazil. After all, Brazil ranks second only to fashionable Tibet on…

Listen to the Movie

“This song explains why I’m leaving home and becoming a stewardess,” says Anita Miller (Zooey Deschanel) to her well-meaning, overbearing mother, as the soundtrack begins to swell with the low hums of Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel. Just a few seconds earlier, Elaine Miller (Frances McDormand) had insisted she wouldn’t…

Hook, Line, Stinker

It’s unfortunate the title Being John Malkovich has already been taken, as it’s a far better one than Bait–and far more appropriate to boot. As Bristol, a computer expert and wily thief and cold-blooded killer, Doug Hutchison is the human sampling machine. His is a routine coddled together from the…

For the Love of Mic

There’s a trio of duets in Duets. The film is set in the world of karaoke singing, but the title really refers to three sets of paired-off actors performing pas de deux to the tune of John Byrum’s Golden-Age-of-Television-ish dialogue. Only one of the three duos shakes fully to life,…

View to a Killer

So many intense themes run rampant in Joe Charbanic’s debut feature, The Watcher, that it’s tricky to keep up. For instance, a young lady who lives alone with her cat seems ominously doomed. Then there’s the gripping premise that borrowing from nihilistic wanker David Fincher (Se7en) or industrial scamp Trent…

Substance Over Style

At the age of 10, young Martin (Jeremy Kreikenmayer) is forced by his single mother to finally meet the father he had avioded seeing every year. Nothing wrong with that–at least on the surface; boys heading into adolescence need their fathers. Dad (Pierre Maguelon), as is often the case in…

Only Human

There’s plenty of campaign rhetoric about working families, but who ever talks about one of the biggest problems of the working man today–massive corporate downsizing? In the era of record profits and welfare “reform,” all that matters is having any kind of job, whether or not it’s the one you…

Zellweger in Love

Humans and their stories, my oh my. Somehow, the familiar themes just keep coming around, again and again, ad infinitum. Of course, most of them have already been captured and processed by Shakespeare. From the bitter young man to the crazy old king, from the flirty young thing to the…

The Bagmen Cometh

This is the beginning of The Way of the Gun you will not see, because it was written but never filmed: Two men, Parker (Ryan Phillippe, sporting a pubic beard) and Longbaugh (Benicio Del Toro, looking lost and dangerous), urinate in an open grave in front of mourners, beat up…

Easy Reader

It seems like he has always been there, this man whose presence is as inescapable as heat on the sun. He taught the children of the 1970s how to read, pronouncing letters until they formed words until they became sentences; they called him “Easy Reader,” because he made learning such…

Mock Speed

In 1988 Penelope Spheeris released the amusing rock documentary The Decline of Western Civilization Part II: The Metal Years. Rob Reiner’s This Is Spinal Tap is an almost perfect parody of Spheeris’ film, and Christopher Guest’s Nigel Tufnel is a perfect parody of Ozzy Osborne’s persona in Spheeris’ film. The…

Kings of Queens

It’s strange to encounter a movie like The Opportunists, the debut feature by writer/director Myles Connell, because, as it eschews pomp and sensationalism, there aren’t a lot of obvious highlights to mention. The stakes are low, the relationships are subtle, and Christopher Walken hardly even raises his voice, barking only…

Fillet this fish

Catfish in Black Bean Sauce starts with a promising premise for either a farce or a melodrama: Two Vietnamese-American siblings, adopted and raised by a black couple, find their lives turned upside down when their birth mother arrives in the States 20-some years later. Unfortunately, writer/producer/director/star Chi Muoi Lo doesn’t…

Peace at a Price

Whatever one might believe about the past centuries of English oppression of the Irish, one thing is sure: No matter how raw a deal they’ve gotten in real life, the Irish haven’t been shortchanged on the screen. From the Easter Rising to the more recent Troubles, the conflict has been…

An Affair to Remember

Try to resist the urge to yell “Focus!” during the first five minutes or so of An Affair of Love. It’s been a while since a director has actively utilized such tools as focus and color to hint at deeper truths, but Frederic Fonteyne (Max and Bobo) knows what he’s…

Jaws: The Revenge

Amanda Peet has extraordinarily large teeth; you’re surprised she can close her mouth. It may be in vogue for hot, young, would-be sex symbols to have a set of brightly polished choppers prominent in neighboring counties (cf. Neve Campbell, Casper Van Dien, or Denise Richards), but Amanda’s impressive ivories belong…

Sexy Dex

Be cool, get chicks.” While that’s paraphrased and boiled down, it’s nonetheless the essential creed of Dex (Donal Logue), the corpulent connoisseur of carnality who lumbers through this debut feature from Jenniphr Goodman as if he’s Paul Bunyan and every woman in sight is a tree. Overweight and underemployed, Dex…

Romance with a Beer Gut

The Tao of Duncan The Tao that can be followed is not the eternal Tao. The name that can be named is not the eternal name. This is the koan that begins the Tao Te Ching by Lao-Tzu. This is the fat guy who scores all the hot chicks? Hmph…

Oldfellas

Turns out that when goodfellas don’t die–when they don’t get shot or blown up in a car or beaten to death with a baseball bat–they move to Miami’s South Beach. They drive tour buses for the elderly, take orders at Burger Kings, give dime-a-dance lessons to old women in need…

Gimme an ‘F’

Following in the grand cinematic tradition of cheerleading films– movies such as Gimme an ‘F,’ Revenge of the Cheerleaders, and Debbie Does Dallas (both the original and the why-bother remakes)–Bring It On is about beautiful, young girls in short skirts who have to overcome the fact that they suck. On…

Demolition Man

Despite its late-summer release date–usually a sign of studio jitters–The Art of War is a mostly well-constructed action flick with a number of flashy, well-choreographed fight and chase scenes. Wesley Snipes stars as Neil Shaw, a supersecret operative of a supersecret “dirty tricks” agency, whose methods are more than a…

Reefer Madness

Irish charm and British eccentricity are hot properties on this side of the pond — especially among U.S. moviegoers. Witness the phenomenal success of The Secret of Roan Inish, in which a 10-year-old Irish girl finds her lost brother living among seals off her country’s rugged western coast, or of…