Allen Town

Woody Allen’s latest romp through Old New York combines (among other things) a skirt-chasing insurance investigator with the charm of a rodent, a wisecracking Vassar grad who takes no guff and a nightclub hypnotist in a sequined turban who doubles as a major jewel thief. The year is 1940. The…

Gal Pals

Festering somewhere between an after-school special and kiddie porn lies this frank but heinously melodramatic open wound from veteran Canadian director Léa Pool (Emporte-moi). Adapted by screenwriter Judith Thompson from the novel The Wives of Bath by Susan Swan, Lost and Delirious is about girl joy and girl sorrow, girl…

Cowboys and Martians

Not unlike Dean Devlin and Roland Emmerich–who, with ridiculously expensive spectaculars like Independence Day and Godzilla, transformed B-movie nostalgia into crass adventures in budget-busting–John Carpenter has a thing for the fanciful yet almost lurid trappings of the Saturday afternoon sci-fi flick. Fortunately for us, the veteran director also knows better…

The Bitch of Kitsch

Cuddly outsider #63178D, please step forward. Well, my goodness, look at you! You are so alternative, so fringe, so punk! So artsy and alienated! So utterly aimless and oozing with angst! Tell us, girl, what ought we to call you? Edwina Scissorhands? That’s one easily justified reaction a viewer may…

Ship of Fools

The social lessons of Captain Corelli’s Mandolin, all of them suitable for framing in just about any dorm room, are these: War is bad. Love is good. The Italians love to sing, even when they’re supposed to be at war. The Greeks are freedom fighters. And whatever you do, don’t…

Race Baiting

There is one joke in Rat Race, aka Cannonball Run IV, so stunning–most of all, because it’s the one joke in the film that actually works–it bears repeating here, if only to spare you the misery of actually witnessing this crime. Jon Lovitz, playing a character who might as well…

Untrue West

On the lips of many moviegoers, the name Joel Schumacher is tantamount to blasphemy. Visions of a blue-skinned Arnold Schwarzenegger and a head-bobbing George Clooney in rubber nipples instantly come to mind, inducing shudders of revulsion and indicating an oft-held view that Mr. Schumacher epitomizes the worst American directing can…

Deep Throat

During this cinematic Summer of Dumb, it would be all too easy to celebrate half-assed clever as a virtue, especially when proffered by Bobby and Peter Farrelly, who elevated the gross-out to an Art Form (or, more likely, Fart Form) in Kingpin and There’s Something About Mary. Osmosis Jones, one…

Playing God

There is something fairly amusing about this title, Apocalypse Now Redux. Think about it: Prophetic Disclosure Presently Shows Up Again Newfangled. Of course, in the 10 years since the release of the documentary Hearts of Darkness, we’ve been taught to revere the legend of Francis Ford Coppola walking the line…

Get a Piece

For a few moments, American Pie 2 tastes every bit as stale as junk food left out on the countertop for two years. “Just like old times,” says one actor to another as they amble through settings borrowed from the first installment of 1999’s Last American Virgin revisit: Jim’s bedroom,…

Other Voices, Other Rooms

It was about two years ago that there was real hope for the horror movie coming once again due for a decent revival. The Blair Witch Project made people remember how to fear the unknown, and remakes of The Haunting and House on Haunted Hill promised a return to the…

Gangster Crap

When last we spotted indie icons Vince Vaughn and Jon Favreau onscreen together, they were knocking back fruit-flavored martinis and chasing L.A. skirt in the inventive Gen-X hit Swingers. The goofy charm of that phenomenon now gives way, sad to report, to a labored fringes-of-the-mob comedy called Made, in which…

Fly By Night

The most telling scene in Rush Hour 2 comes during the closing-credits montage of outtakes, which have become the most enjoyable part of Jackie Chan’s Hollywood outings. Chris Tucker, the poor man’s Eddie Murphy who now pockets more than the real thing per picture, and Chan have just pushed one…

Wasted Youth

“I want you to suck my big dick. I want you to lick my balls.” Thus begins Larry Clark’s Bully, a return to Kids territory, following a forgettable detour into adulthood named Another Day in Paradise that apparently didn’t kick up enough of a fuss for the guy. So he…

Down and Dirty

Chopper, the first feature from Australian video director Andrew Dominik, is a strong, effective but often stomach-churning portrait of notorious Aussie criminal Mark “Chopper” Read. It can be characterized as “sensational”–in both the positive and negative senses of the word. According to the filmmakers, Chopper Read is a legend Down…

Give Him an Inch

Times certainly have changed. Twenty years ago, a musical about an East German transsexual rock singer would have premiered in one of New York’s off-off-Broadway theaters or cabarets, run for a couple of weeks and remained the pleasant memory of a select few. But when John Cameron Mitchell’s Hedwig and…

Ape Escape

There are scenes in Tim Burton’s Planet of the Apes redo so hysterical they drown out minutes’ worth of dialogue that follow, which is hardly a knock. Indeed, the film is often so comical, so ridiculous in that self-aware wink-wink sort of way, it plays like a parody of the…

Survivors

If there’s any justice in moviedom, this summer’s feel-good hit will be an unassuming Dutch comedy called Everybody’s Famous! Defying long odds, writer-director Dominique Deruddere has taken a couple of shopworn subjects–the public obsession with celebrity and the ineptitude of amateur criminals–and parlayed them into an original and inventive farce…

Blood Brother

Actor “Beat” Takeshi Kitano has built an international reputation over the past decade, primarily through a series of ultra-hard-boiled crime films in which he plays either a cop or a felon. With the exception of Gonin (1995; released in the United States in 1998), which was directed by Takeshi Ishii,…

Dino-sore

A third Jurassic Park movie was inevitable, given that the second shattered box office records. But when you have one of the hottest box office properties of all time, isn’t it worth taking a little time to craft it? Just because you know it can only be better than The…

Nothing Hill

A year ago, John Cusack was smarting over his breakup with Catherine Zeta-Jones, who, he lamented, was “out of my class–too smart, too pretty, too much.” He couldn’t figure out why such a self-absorbed glamour doll was going out with such a regular-Joe schmo in the first place; he waited…

Legally Bland

Back in her early teens, Reese Witherspoon proved herself a terrific actress in her big-screen debut, Man in the Moon in 1991. Since then, she’s done first-rate work in critical hits like Pleasantville, cult faves like Freeway and Election and underrated gems like Best Laid Plans. So how is it…