Think Piece

The Modern Art Museum of Fort Worth’s new home is stunning, and only in part because of its size, which is downright Texan. Driving up, the place has the feel of a concrete-bunkered city on what passes for a hill–in North Texas anyway. At first gander, it looks less like…

Crazy Rhythm

I can’t dance. Don’t ask me. Consider yourself warned. My few ventures onto a dance floor with the missus usually ended up with some good Samaritan rushing up, reaching into my mouth and grabbing my tongue to keep me from swallowing it. “I’b okayb,” I’d say as I broke out…

Get Physical

Some say that the spirit of Christmas is joyful giving, sharing the love of family and friends in a cheerful celebration of life-affirming blah, blah, blah. Others suggest that it’s a commercialized greedfest characterized by grabbing, ripping and crying when one doesn’t receive the perfect (pricey) gift. But we all…

Meaner Streets

Martin Scorsese’s latest epic of the streets, Gangs of New York, means to show us how a great metropolis was forged in the mid-19th-century cauldrons of unbridled greed, ethnic violence and Civil War. It means to give us the city as wild frontier–without the usual cowboy hats. This is a…

Orc Chops

Fantasy is at its best when it ennobles our reality, and at the movies this year no fantastic adventure towers above The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers. The second installment of J.R.R. Tolkien’s delightful yarn is here adapted just as handily as last year’s The Fellowship of the…

Schmidt Happens

It’s easy to presume About Schmidt isn’t much of a movie, since its protagonist, Warren Schmidt, isn’t much of anything. He’s portrayed by Jack Nicholson, but the actor is actually someone who looks like he used to be Jack Nicholson. This Warren, this rinky-dink actuary banished to the wasteland of…

Adapt This

Adaptation is the most overrated movie of the year (of all time?) by people who should know better. Film critics have been suckered in by its gimmick (Being John Malkovich screenwriter Charlie Kaufman can’t adapt a book for the big screen and winds up writing himself into his screenplay, genius!),…

‘Tis a Foine, Foine Loife

People in show-biz do very weird things to prove their credibility. Starlets pose for skin mags, actors start rock bands, rockers become sit-coms, rappers become tombstones, and now, in a heartwarming feature called Evelyn, James Bond wants us to believe he’s an Everyman. The lovely thing is, it works. As…

One Weak Notice

It had to happen eventually: the adorably scattered Sandra Bullock and the self-deprecatingly charming Hugh Grant paired in a romantic comedy. As predictable as Miss Congeniality and almost as broad, Two Weeks Notice is an undemanding, by-the-numbers romance that is made bearable only by the presence of its two ingratiating…

Elf Esteem

Before writer David Sedaris became America’s favorite chain-smoking, gay ex-patriot raconteur, he worked one memorable holiday season as “Crumpet the elf” at Macy’s on 34th Street in Manhattan. It was a scary-weird job, as Sedaris revealed in a wicked radio essay he performed a decade ago on National Public Radio’s…

Good Nut to Crack

Regulars at TITAS Command Performances are well-acquainted with the husband-and-wife dance team of Lucia Lacarra and Cyril Pierre. On two occasions the former San Francisco Ballet principals glided through specially choreographed adagio routines at State Fair Music Hall, inspiring standing ovations. And if Lacarra weren’t such a fine dancer, she…

Long Live the Poison Pen

I was about 12–the age of my own daughter today–when my parents made a decision that scars me still. It was the early ’70s, and like millions of Nixon voters, they were scared. Scared of drugs. Scared of youth. Scared of sex and rock and roll. Scared, in short, of…

Photo Op

Here’s a rough estimate of how a standard 24-shot roll of film is typically used in our household: Pictures of feet, walls, ceilings, etc. taken by accident: five Pictures of family, friends, vacation spots: eight Pictures of pet cats taken to “finish up the roll”: 11 As you might imagine,…

Be Like Mike

Everyone has a favorite Michael Jordan story. Except me. I am one of the world’s few basketball fans who believe Jordan is overrated. Yes, I think he was the greatest player in NBA history, but not by as wide a margin as his fans would have us believe. They want…

Jenny From the Crock

Maid in Manhattan, in which Jennifer Lopez goes from pauper to princess, comes not from a screenplay but from a handful of self-help books and fairy tales and fashion magazines cut and pasted together in a glossy montage committed to celluloid. Characters, made from the highest-grade cardboard and resplendent in…

Miller Time

Each of the beautifully made vignettes that make up Rebecca Miller’s Personal Velocity glimpses a young woman caught at a crossroads, faced with an important decision and about to experience one of those rare dilations of vision that can change an entire life. Now, this is a common ploy in…

Dead Weight

Consider life’s unbreakable rules. Send Mom flowers on her birthday. Keep your fastball down. Never order lasagna in Des Moines. Don’t go sailing with people you can’t stand. Violation of this last rule has yielded some pretty fair books and movies over the years–Moby Dick and The Caine Mutiny come…

Beat It

Like the similar, funnier Bring It On, Drumline is intent on proving that marching band participants are genuine athletes. Fair enough: The boot camp-style physical training they go through onscreen will come as an eye-opener to some. Also similar to its cinematic cheerleader predecessor is the notion that at this…

Known Alias

The blood disease porphyria sparked madness in England’s King George III, so its impact on manic Margot (Nicole Garcia) and her hapless daughter Betty (cucumber-cool Sandrine Kiberlain) is about as shocking as a Hoosier mom beating her kid on camera–and as scarring. What’s wonderful about director Claude Miller’s adaptation of…

On Trek

The 10th Trek film, ostensibly the last featuring the Next Generation crew (or any other, c’mon), plays like a greatest-hits remix; like Die Another Day, it’s bent on resurrecting a moribund franchise by recalling all the things you used to love about it till you grew into big-boy pants. And…

Hot? Not

Rob Schneider’s latest look-at-me-I’m-so-cute comedy features the star bumbling around half-clad in Christina Aguilera’s Goodwill donations. He plays a revolting petty thief who magically swaps bodies with a petulant high school cheerleader (Rachel McAdams), sparking roughly a bazillion gags about how funny it is to have a penis. To counterbalance,…

End of the Road

Notes from a network executive’s forthcoming biography, pilfered from the desk of an editor at a major publishing house. This was hard to read, as it was scribbled in crayon on the back of a copy of Highlights taken from a pediatrician’s office. From page 412: “Last week, I met…